Well, tonight was the Fashion Show night for our school. Every year the Sixth Form put together a Fashion Show with the help of the local clothes shops to raise money for charity. I didn't get involved last year because that was when all the crap with Dad blew up. This year I thought it might be fun to do something, but I didn't want to be in a group because I'm not interested in clothes and although I can dance and keep in time with the music, I can't do routines. I'm not coordinated enough. The only proper dances I can do are Macarina (and even in that I get mixed up a lot and end up facing backwards) and the Cha Cha Slide because the steps are called out before you have to make them.

However, there was an opportunity this year to sing in the finale of the fashion show, and I thought I could do that. If I'm going to be up on stage, I might as well be doing something I'm good at.
Only I auditioned and I didn't get the part. My voice wasn't what they were looking for - it was too classical.
Maybe if they'd known how badly I wanted to be in the fashion show this year they would have let me do it regardless of my voice, but they didn't. I know it's not a big deal, and the girls were very nice about it, but I was so crushed.

But I went along anyway tonight to support my friends. It was great fun! It was a fantastic show with lots of 90s music (that was the theme). I whooped and squealed with the best of the audience, but when the time came for the singing, I slipped off into a corner by myself and howled. Why? Because it had touched a nerve. All the performers got up on stage at the end and I wanted to be a part of them, but I couldn't be.

And then I realised what an outsider I was. I mean, I know you guys think I'm friendly, and I am, and I can strike up a conversation with anyone older than me or younger. It's people my own age I have trouble getting on with.
I really wished I could have done a dance with some of them. But no one asked me, and to be fair, I didn't ask them either. Am I too comfortable with just my imaginary friends and my virtual ones? Am I missing out on friendship opportunities because my mother always comes first?
I don't know what to do. I feel like such an outsider and I don't know how to change it. It's not that no one likes me - lots of people like me - but no one seems to want to really know me. I thought that Dad leaving might push me towards my friends, but instead it's pulled me farther away. And of course, I'm reluctant to open up to a romantic relationship with James T because I saw what my Dad was like when he was in love and I don't want to be like that.

What do I do?

~Susanna